This is made even more hilarious by the distance of the camera, the stillness of the camera, & that you can’t see the audience. Like it’s some nature documentary.
Here we see the Deaky in its natural habitat, performing its distinctively complex mating dance. It prepares by growing a thick, curly plume on its head. The longest plumed Deaky of the pack becomes the alpha Deaky. Experts theorize that the May - a species that has formed a symbiotic relationship with the Deaky - is merely a Deaky whose plume grew so large that it became unrecognizable and was shunned by its denmates.
Next, each Deaky forages for leg coverings; the tighter the better. Female Deakies (only seen on camera once in 1984) choose mates that have tight jeans because it leaves nothing to the imagination about the size and shape of the male’s scrotum. And since mating only occurs when fully clothed, the restrictive pants prove the virility of the male, for only the most potent sperm could squeeze their way out of such a flattened phallus. In fact, no alpha Deaky has ever been without a prominent moose-knuckle.
Finally, the Deaky begins the ritual. Gracefully, it skips forward, staring at the ground to assure it keeps its footing. Deakies are not known for their strength, so safety is as valuable a trait as any. As it proceeds, it speedily plucks a bass. Since the Deaky cannot vocalize, it is an especially quiet creature. The low tones of the bass are barely distinguishable above the din of its habitat, just the way it prefers.
And just as it began, the Deaky mating dance ends. Deakies can hardly tolerate attention, so the longest of these dances could last only 30 seconds. But that is sufficient for this magnificent beast. And so we leave the seclusive Deaky to its hard-earned female, with whom it will have a litter of exactly 7 pups.