Tone-Deaf Fuck Balloon

Howdy there! I'm Kelly, I'm from West Virginia, & I post mostly Queen, Doctor Who, & random-ass reblogs that I find funny. I will not automatically follow-back; I'll click your name & if I like what I see on your blog, I might follow. I'm not snooty or anything; I'm already following over 200 people & I'd like to cut my scrolling time waaaay down.

Some general rules: 1) I won't give anyone my phone number, address, last name, or current exact location unless you're my good IRL friend. 2) If you're going to send me anon hates to get your rocks off at my reaction, sorry but I don't play that game; I'll either kindly yet humorously reply to your hatred, or ignore it entirely. 3) If you hate LGBTs, minorities, or religious beliefs other than your own, you can unfollow me right now. If you post something against 1 of those groups, I will likely unfollow you. I'm not giving this warning due to a superiority complex; I just don't want you to be surprised if that happens.

supermodelgif:

Seinfeld, S3E11 

supermodelgif:

Seinfeld, S3E11 

this lady on the phone today seriously said her check to Verizon bouncing was going to “epic fail” her accounts

she was dead serious when she said this. 

Medicine Safety:

  • Rule #1: Don’t take prescription medications until you know if they have interactions with other medications or supplements you’re taking. If you can’t ask a doctor, look it up on a good health site, like WebMD. 
  • Rule #2: Keep taking your prescriptions until your doctor tells you to stop. If you’re taking 1 antibiotic a day for 1 week, even if you feel totally better by day 4, take the rest of the pills anyway because your body could still have bacteria in it.
  • Rule #3: Whenever possible, ask your doctor to prescribe you generic drugs. They’re nearly always cheaper than brand-name drugs & have the same active ingredients. Some drugs don’t have generics yet because they’re new, but every drug does eventually.
  • Rule #4: Keep a list of the medications you’re taking, the dosages, your allergies, any pertinent diseases/conditions, & your doctor’s name & phone # on a slip of paper in your purse/wallet. If you pass out or get injured in public, that piece of paper can save your life. EMTs need to know what they should/shouldn’t give you to revive you.
  • Rule #5: Pay attention to the warnings & info on labels. For example, some antibiotics are made useless if you drink milk before or after it. Likewise, some of this info can help prevent side effects, such as labels that tell you to take a pill with a meal.
  • Side-note: I know many people take medication that was originally prescribed to someone else in their household. Be very cautious about that, since you don’t know for sure that they haven’t put a few different pills in a bottle, they might be expensive or necessary for that person, or they might interact with you differently. I understand that you might need a strong pain pill & you know the ones your mom has are a nice big dose you can’t get anywhere else, but at the very least look up some of its side effects, interactions with other drugs, etc. before taking it. 

omfgcate:

dqdbpb:

we’re halfway thru april, u know what tht means?

image

#ITS GONNA BE MAY

(Source: sandandglass)

discodeaky:

Deaky Shuffle

This is made even more hilarious by the distance of the camera, the stillness of the camera, & that you can’t see the audience. Like it’s some nature documentary.
Here we see the Deaky in its natural habitat, performing its distinctively complex mating dance. It prepares by growing a thick, curly plume on its head. The longest plumed Deaky of the pack becomes the alpha Deaky. Experts theorize that the May - a species that has formed a symbiotic relationship with the Deaky - is merely a Deaky whose plume grew so large that it became unrecognizable and was shunned by its denmates. 
Next, each Deaky forages for leg coverings; the tighter the better. Female Deakies (only seen on camera once in 1984) choose mates that have tight jeans because it leaves nothing to the imagination about the size and shape of the male’s scrotum. And since mating only occurs when fully clothed, the restrictive pants prove the virility of the male, for only the most potent sperm could squeeze their way out of such a flattened phallus. In fact, no alpha Deaky has ever been without a prominent moose-knuckle. 
Finally, the Deaky begins the ritual. Gracefully, it skips forward, staring at the ground to assure it keeps its footing. Deakies are not known for their strength, so safety is as valuable a trait as any. As it proceeds, it speedily plucks a bass. Since the Deaky cannot vocalize, it is an especially quiet creature. The low tones of the bass are barely distinguishable above the din of its habitat, just the way it prefers. 
And just as it began, the Deaky mating dance ends. Deakies can hardly tolerate attention, so the longest of these dances could last only 30 seconds. But that is sufficient for this magnificent beast. And so we leave the seclusive Deaky to its hard-earned female, with whom it will have a litter of exactly 7 pups.  

discodeaky:

Deaky Shuffle

This is made even more hilarious by the distance of the camera, the stillness of the camera, & that you can’t see the audience. Like it’s some nature documentary.

Here we see the Deaky in its natural habitat, performing its distinctively complex mating dance. It prepares by growing a thick, curly plume on its head. The longest plumed Deaky of the pack becomes the alpha Deaky. Experts theorize that the May - a species that has formed a symbiotic relationship with the Deaky - is merely a Deaky whose plume grew so large that it became unrecognizable and was shunned by its denmates. 

Next, each Deaky forages for leg coverings; the tighter the better. Female Deakies (only seen on camera once in 1984) choose mates that have tight jeans because it leaves nothing to the imagination about the size and shape of the male’s scrotum. And since mating only occurs when fully clothed, the restrictive pants prove the virility of the male, for only the most potent sperm could squeeze their way out of such a flattened phallus. In fact, no alpha Deaky has ever been without a prominent moose-knuckle. 

Finally, the Deaky begins the ritual. Gracefully, it skips forward, staring at the ground to assure it keeps its footing. Deakies are not known for their strength, so safety is as valuable a trait as any. As it proceeds, it speedily plucks a bass. Since the Deaky cannot vocalize, it is an especially quiet creature. The low tones of the bass are barely distinguishable above the din of its habitat, just the way it prefers. 

And just as it began, the Deaky mating dance ends. Deakies can hardly tolerate attention, so the longest of these dances could last only 30 seconds. But that is sufficient for this magnificent beast. And so we leave the seclusive Deaky to its hard-earned female, with whom it will have a litter of exactly 7 pups.  

fred-brian-roger-john:

Roger really? Really???

WHAT IS HAPPENING ANYMORE 

fred-brian-roger-john:

Roger really? Really???

WHAT IS HAPPENING ANYMORE 

professional-professional asked:

Would you like it in the vag or ass when I rape you?

headturnmeon:

thecurvycourtesan:

a-man-n-progress:

rennskye:

misandry-mermaid:

At least now that I disabled Anonymous asks, your own face is attached to your pitiful hatemail.

image

And if you recognize this ugly mug, shoot me a name!

Thanks.

ETA: He’s been tracked down.

HIS NAME IS BRANDON BAYARD AND HE LIVES IN SUPERIOR, WISCONSIN.

Reblog the shit out of this so it shows up on every background search done by every guy trying to hire him ever.

REBLOGGING THIS ALWAYS, FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT

Get’em

Wow

bravodelta9:

sodomymcscurvylegs:

freddiefrowns:

doctorattanowinchesterholmes:

jellybabiesandjammiedodgers:

apathbetweenthestars:

Source

brb drowning myself in the toilet

I once had a customer ask me how many pieces come in a six piece mozzarella stick. Then another ask me what kind of cheese comes in the mozzarella sticks.

a customer once asked me to void his transaction and then got angry at me when I cancelled his order.

Most of the time, I think Social Darwinism is a nefarious and unethical practice. But, sometimes…

I’m dying on the inside. Also this is why I don’t work in retail or good service anymore.

i love when people call in to complain that we (a credit union) took money from their account to put it into their past-due loan. like, what did you think we’d do if you put money in your account when you’re past due?

pawkitj:

best modern family scene ever

(Source: fymodernfamily)

realsocialskills:

When you grow up with stigma, people tell you a lot of well-meaning things that actually cause problems. When you face people treating you like you’re less of a person, someone will often say something like:

  • "You’ll prove them all wrong some day".
  • "It’s ok. You’ll show them. You’ll prove that you’re better than they ever could have imagined."

And then, when you accomplish things, it often becomes, “Well, you proved them wrong, didn’t you?”

People who say this often mean well, but this is a form of victim-blaming, and it can hurt people who believe it really badly. The truth is:

You didn’t prove them wrong. You never had to prove them wrong. They were already wrong.

Prejudice is not something you have to earn your way out of. Dehumanization isn’t your fault. You don’t have to prove that you are human in order to be human. You don’t have to have amazing accomplishments in order to prove that you have worth. Everyone has worth. People who don’t recognize yours have always been wrong.

You didn’t prove them wrong. They were already wrong. About you, and about everyone else too.

You might have to fight to be seen as a person. You might have to fight for your life and your safety and for basic respect. That’s a fight you may or may not win. It’s a fight that, no matter how hard you try or how good you are, you will never win all the way. There will still be those who hate you and see you as subhuman.

But you can be ok, anyway. You’re ok. You’re whole. You deserve better. It’s not your fault they don’t see it. It’s theirs.

You have always been a full person, fully deserving of respect and equal treatment. People who treat you as a lesser being have always been wrong.

Knowing that helps.

(Source: dcresistance)

islandunderworld:

#married

(Source: ladyleigh89)